I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize