I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
