got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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