JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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