I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
