i don't like sucking hair
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
