were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
