Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
