foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
