I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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