I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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