It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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