yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
where are my pants?
in the oven.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
