is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
