Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
