sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize