I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Sext me about skeletons
Randomize