a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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