Where are you?
In a non slutty way
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
