i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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