One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
They have beer where we have blood.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
