Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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