And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
