I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
