If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
