Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
