I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
