he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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