the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I just want to make out with him forever
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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