I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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