Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
It was confusing and full of hummus
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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