Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
