Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Bring me that man meat
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
