We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
