Where is the hickey?
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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