I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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