Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
