How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
this will be a night to untag.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
