Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
