all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize