I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
