Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
