Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
