So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Randomize
