I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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