Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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