I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
