I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
