my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Randomize
