the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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