She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
her facebook's as public as her vagina
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Randomize
