omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
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