alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
