I am puke
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Of course I have a pirate flag
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
