I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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