woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize