one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
