my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize