Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
