The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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