I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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