if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize