My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. đź’€
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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