And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
