I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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