Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Randomize
