after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
